maybe everyone is right?

why is everyone i usually talk to about stuff not there this time? this is really fucking hard. because mara now hates me, cat now has another new relationship so will turn into a slightly different person again (yes cat i know you read this, but i have told you this before and i don't mean it in an offensive manner - when msn works again i will explain this to you because it isn't as harsh as it sounds), alex and i aren't speaking and i've said far too much to hannah lately, i can't only use her as some sort of therapist but i can't handle everything on my own :/

maybe mara is right. maybe i am a self absorbed bitch? maybe i do just mess up everything i have with everyone.. i don't know?

when i first was with alex i used to be pretty proud of myself because i thought i'd found something that i was good at - being a pretty good girlfriend but turns out thats not so true either, and in the process i feel like i've lost myself because no one seems to know any identity for me outside of 'alex's girlfriend', even though i've tried my best to stay my own person.

i don't understand whats going on in my life right now because about 20 things have all changed in the space of 4 days and i am so stressed and feel like everything is collapsing in on me or something :/ worst week of my life? yeh i would say so :/

i suddenly hate texting. it seems to pointless unless you have something meaningful to say. i don't really have anything to say to anyone at the moment but i keep losing people because i'm so stressed that i end up snapping at them, but in turn that makes me more stressed because i get stressed that i'm losing people?

please mr life co-ordinator man just give me one big problem to deal with at a time rather than so many at once? because dealing with all of this is really too difficult