rock bottom

at some point in their life everyone hits rock bottom, some earlier than others. you feel like you can't climb out, like you're alone, stuck, with no one to talk to or to comfort you. you don't feel like life is worth living anymore. everyone encounters this some point in their life. those who opt out aren't weak, they just haven't been exposed to whats true and whats good about life, they haven't been shown that it really is worth living. fortunately most of us choose to try and climb our way back out. we might stumble and fall a couple of times, but we end up out, back in the fresh air with the beauty and the stars and the voices.

however, until you have experienced someone else at rock bottom you can't truly appreciate how it feels for those around you. by someone else i don't just mean a vague friend or a family member you only know a little. i mean someone you are so close to that you seem tied by some invisible bond. someone you are so close to that when you are together everything seems okay even when things are pretty messed up. someone you love so so much you would give the whole world just to make sure they are happy. as soon as the words "i thought about ending it" slip out their mouth the sheer fright, despair..the frenzied, desperate thoughts that grip you in an iron vice are intense. you want to snatch them away from the world and protect them from harm, protect them from themselves. make them see whats good again.

today has been surreal. it has been awful, surreal, horrible. but i got through it. WE got through it. you'll get through it. it felt like a scene. driving up to meet you the car couldn't go fast enough. i wanted to just jump out and run to you. i ran down the field and just threw myself at you trying to protect you from the world. i've never seen anyone so broken. it felt kinda like a scene from a movie, holding you in my arms and just letting you do whatever you needed to. staring out the car window home. and, strange as it may seem, the knowledge that it is possible to practically save someones life all by yourself is amazing. the fact that by saying "never think that again, because if you did anything it would kill me" you can make someone think twice.

there is always someone. however alone you feel, however broken. there is someone out there..you may not even know them yet..you may know them but not realise how they feel towards you..you may have known them but lost them.. there is ALWAYS someone out there who wants to save you. however rock bottom life may seem you can guarantee there is someone out there trying to catch you before you fall.

i love you.