make you feel better.

I said now, I'll take it
It's better for you
Somehow we'll make it
'Cause that's what we do

Pick a star in the open sky
I see you see me
And that is why I

Hop along to the cowboy beat
When I feel your fire
Jump up to meet

I said now, I'll take it
It's better for you
Somehow we'll make it
'Cause that's what we do

Something out there
Where love is your only friend and
We are the ones
That will make you feel better and
Someone to spare
When love is the only end and
We are the ones
That will make you feel better
Oh yeah

In a world that has run amok
I've got to set my sights
Just to get struck

I walk away from the rank and file
With a punched out mouth
And a pack of style

I say... she's the one she's the only one
Make me search myself
Until I'm done... and

Tell me now in a telegram
Do the sea of stars
Make a diagram... and

Something out there
Where love is your only friend and
We are the ones
That will make you feel better and
Someone to spare
When love is the only end and
We are the ones
That will make you feel better
Oh yeah yeah

So alive I arrive on dust
You can search my mind
For the red on rust... I said
Take me there and she really cares
Lights up for me gonna hear my prayers
I said

I said now, I'll take it
It's better for you
Somehow we'll make it
'Cause that's what we do

Something out there
Where love is your only friend and
We are the ones
That will make you feel better and
Someone to spare
When love is the only end and
We are the ones
That will make you feel better
Oh yeah

We are the ones (x4)
That will make you feel better

songs that make you cry.

i can never work out if that is a good thing, the ability music has to make you cry. sometimes it's a good thing, but what if you use it as a tool to make you do so because you want to feel something? i haven't done that for a very long time but right now i am listening to the sort of music that makes me want to curl up and just close my eyes and take myself away from the rest of the world. ironically, when everything is good in my life its the same music that brings a smile to my face and that i really like listening to.

i wish people cared about what really mattered. but at the same time..they're just being teenagers, like normal people. theres nothing wrong with that, its not their fault that i seem to have spent more of my life than i should have having to be the 'grown up' for other people. i don't mind it, it makes me feel needed in a way but sometimes i want someone to be the 'grown up' for me. but i don't really know who because i can't explain properly to anyone what i am thinking right now because i don't really know what to think right now.

i hate this.

things

Zero - Who was your last text from?
Alex :)

One - Where was your default picture taken?
errrm, msn brighton beach, facebook cats house

Two- Your relationship status?
happily taken :)

Three - Have you ever lost a close friend?
not to death or anything...

Four - What is your current mood?
very tired and a little bored

Five - What’s your brother(s)/sister(s) names?
kim & karl

Six - Where do you wish you were right now?
with my mannn

Seven - Have a crazy side?
aye captain :)

Eight - Ever had a near death experience?
no.

Nine- Something you do a lot?
ride the bus...

Ten - Angry at someone?
no not really

Eleven - What’s stopping you from going for the person you like?
i'm with the person i like :) i love him in fact :)

Twelve - When was the last time you cried?
errm briefly yesterday

Fourteen - What do you think about when you are falling asleep?
honestly? usually alex :)

Fifteen- What were you doing yesterday at 10:00 a.m.?
i was in tutor at college, joyous

Sixteen -Do you prefer light or dark hair on opposite sex ?
either is good

Seventeen - Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
alexius

Eighteen - What is/are your favorite song?
whatever one i'm listening to at the time

Nineteen - What are you doing right now?
listening to music and looking at hair

Twenty - Who do you trust 100% right now?
my mister :)

Twenty one - Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?
topshop

Twenty two- Heavy metal music ?
nickelback

Twenty three- Are you currently missing someone in particular?
yes :)

Twenty five - Who are you thinking of right now?
no points for guessing

Twenty six - What should you be doing right now?
probably work but ahh

Twenty seven - What are you listening to?
just tonight by the pretty reckless

Twenty eight -You need new jeans. Where do you go?
ahh i needed new jeans today! i tried new look, topshop, miss selfridge, dorothy perkins...finally go them innn..next. of all places!

Twenty nine - Who was the last person who yelled at you?
my dad i expect

Thirty - Do you act differently around certain people?
probably

Thirty one - What is your natural hair color?
blondeee

Thirty two - Who was the last person to make you laugh?
probably alex or tiffany

Thirty three - Who was the last person to make you angry?
alice :P

Thirty four- Hello Kitty?
meow?

Thirty five - Is your hair naturally curly or straight?
err neither

Thirty six - Hug anyone of opposite sex in past 24 hours ?
yesyesyesyesy :)

Thirty seven - One thing you want right now?
a big CUDDLE!

Thirty eight - Will you fall in love in the next few months?
i am already in love foo'!

Thirty nine- What does the 5th text in your inbox say?
"haha xD yes we probably could, might just wait to be on the safe side though :P you home yet? when you are let me know and i'll go on msn :)"

Forty one - Are you happy with life right now?
lifes good :) got my alex, got friends, enjoying college, in a band, what could be better?

Forty two - Are you currently jealous?
a little

Forty three- When was last time someone of opposite sex made you have a real smile on your face?
i smile a lot, but uber smile probably yesterday

Forty four - How many pairs of converse do you own?
one

Forty five- What do you miss the most about primary school ?
not having to do any work...

Forty six - Favorite Disney Channel show ?
i've never watched the disney channel

Forty seven - Is there anybody you’re really disappointed in right now?
haha probably

Forty Eight - What are you looking forward to?
sleeping!

Forty nine- Does anyone like you right now?
i hope so!

Fifty- Lyrics to the song you’re listening to
Hey there, Father
I don't wanna bother you
But I've got a sin to confess
I'm just 16 if you know what I mean
Do you mind if I take off my dress?

Don't know where to start
Let me get to the good parts
Might wanna cross up your legs
I've got envy, I've got greed, anything that you need
And I'm not above having to beg
There was this boy who tore my heart in two
I had to lay him eight feet underground

All I need is someone to save me
Cause I am goin' down
And what I need is someone to save me
Cause I am goin' down, all the way down

Well, hey there, Father
There is just one other thing
I have a simple request
I hear you know God could you give him a nod in my direction
I would be in your debt

Perhaps there is something that we could work out
I noticed your breathing is starting to change
We could go in the back behind all these stacks of bibles
And get out of this cage

There was this boy who tore my heart in two
I had to lay him eight feet underground

All I need is someone to save me
Cause I am goin' down
And what I need is someone to save me
Cause God, I'm goin' down, all the way down

I didn't wanna do it, Father
But I caught him with another woman in the bed I made him
So I put him in a grave

And now there's no one left around to get me off
When I want it to drag

The next day on the television they identified him
By the circumsicion that I made and now I'm on the run
But wait, why did I have to go and kill him
When he was the best I'd ever had

All I need is someone to save me
Cause I am goin' down
And what I need is something to save me
Cause God, I'm goin' down, all the way down

I'm goin' down
All the way down

"not everyone is everyone, but everyone is someone."

i don't believe in astrology but this is uncanny...

(my 'venus' is in leo)

When your Venus is in Leo, you can be "stuck" in the first stage of romance, when passions run high and you can't seem to get each other out of your minds. You never want this stage to end! When you are in love, the relationship consumes you. You radiate the love that you receive from your partner, and reverberate with the energy of love. You are ardent and affectionate with your partner. The adoration you give may not be (and probably won't be) matched, and this is when you falter. Truth is, your lover may have a different style of expressing his/her love. It may be just as ardent as your love, but you tend to equate adoring expressions of love with love itself.

You tend to hold on to love, sometimes longer than you perhaps should, and you may work hard on forcing your lover into the script you have unconsciously written for him or her! When you are happy with your lover (which often coincides with your perception that your lover is right there with you in an emotional sense), you are generous to a fault, with little thought of the future. You take the ups and downs of your romantic relationships to heart, more so than most people, simply because you invest so much of your ego and identity into love! Your warmth is extremely dependent upon the amount of attention and affection you receive. Although you may begin relationships with considerable ardency, if you are not showered with attention and made to feel special over the course of time, you will surely lose passion for the relationship. Your need for appreciation from your lover is paramount, yet all too often you come on strong in love and your partner misinterprets your ardor as brazen confidence. This can be a vicious circle, because what your lover may not know is that, in fact, you are not as sure of yourself as you seem, and his or her reassurances are vital! It is easy for you to jump into relationships without too much thought. However, your expectations are high, and your partner needs to understand that for a relationship with you to survive over the long haul, it needs to be stoked constantly. You will hang on to a relationship longer than most, but your expectations are so high that disappointment is almost inevitable. More than most signs, you would benefit from waiting to marry when you are older and more sure of yourself. When you're happy in your relationship, your warmth and eagerness are admirable!

When Venus in Leo people are in love, they are proud, even boastful. This position of Venus can turn humble Virgo Suns or retiring Cancer Suns into somewhat demanding lovers. Venus in Leo loves to court and be courted, and they need to feel very special. They are warm, generous, and even grand. Though really quite loyal to their partners (remember that love is THE most important thing in Leo's life), they thrive on attention from the opposite sex. Be prepared for their displays: they will tell you about any advances members of the opposite sex make on them. Remember, they're just showing off to you, and it's likely harmless. It's a different story if you do the same, however. That's when you'll hear the lion roar...and, no doubt, you'll want to keep these cats purring. Venus in Leo wants to appear experienced in love, even if they have little or no experience whatsoever!

Venus in Leo men and women have high expectations, but once you know that these expectations revolve only around how much attention you are giving them, you'll see that they are really quite big-hearted about most everything else. They are threatened by a relationship that appears to have settled too much, or one that's lost its spark. They are also threatened by indifferent or impersonal behavior on your part.

Although their needs for physical expression through sex are generally quite strong, their need for love is perhaps even stronger. It is hard for Venus in Leo people to separate love and sex, and even their most erotic fantasies are infused with love and affection. For this reason, few Venus in Leo folk would last long in a relationship that is mostly sexual. On the flip side, they may last longer in a love-only relationship in the absence of satisfying sex, but they are unlikely to feel very satisfied.

Pleasing Venus in Leo involves paying loads of attention to them. If you're willing to make only one adjustment in your ways, it should be to remind Leo how wonderful they are. Respect and appreciate them, always. Put up with their childlike moments and their tall tales. They want to be seen as attractive by you, so avoid (at all costs!) putting them down in this area. They actually lose interest when they perceive the slightest loss of interest in their partner, and you can expect that any letdown will be acted out in a dramatic fashion. Remind them, in a gentle way, that your emotions count too. If you are feeling a little jealous, let them know. Remember, to Venus in Leo, your small jealousies are affirmations that you find them attractive and expect the rest of the world to as well. Let them decide where to go on a date, and let them pay too. When Venus in Leo feels loved and appreciated, they reward you with loyalty, a big sense of fun, and plenty of physical expressions of their love.

girls!

Look like a girl but I think like a guy
Not ladylike to behave like a slime
Easy to be sleazy when you've got a filthy mind
You stick to your yogurts
I'll stick to my apple pie

Girls are not meant to fight dirty
Never look a day past thirty
Not gonna bend over and curtsy for you

Is there any possibility
You'll quit gossiping about me
To hide your insecurities
All you say is "blah, blah"

Girls they never befriend me
Cause I fall asleep when they speak
Of all the calories they eat
All they say is "na na na na na" (na na na na na)

Girls, oh girls, wag your tails to the beat
Of Girls Aloud, all the journos on heat
Write such good stories
Oh their mothers must be proud
Making money off our insecurity and doubt

Girls are not meant to fight dirty
Never look a day past thirty
Not gonna bend over and curtsy for you

Is there any possibility
You'll quit gossiping about me
To hide your insecurities
All you say is "blah, blah"

Girls they never befriend me
Cause I fall asleep when they speak
Of all the calories they eat
All they say is "na na na na na" (na na na na na)
All they say is "na na na" (na na na na na)

I feel I've been riding in a fast car
Burning dirty gas won't get you that far
I feel I've been riding up the wrong path
But I'm gonna make sure I get the last laugh

Is there any possibility
You'll quit gossiping about me
To hide your insecurities
All you say is "blah, blah"

Girls they never befriend me
Cause I fall asleep when they speak
Of all the calories they eat
All they say is "na na na na na" (na na na na na)
All they say is "na na na na na" (na na na na na)

Girls, wag your tails to the beat (na na na na na)

stolen from cat (i am bored!)

1. Smoked
2. Drank alcohol
3. Cried when someone died
4. Been drunk
5. Had sex
6. Been to a concert
7. gotten/given a handjob
8. gotten/given a blowjob
9. Been verbally/sexually harassed
10. Verbally/sexully harassed somebody

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 7

11. Felt someone up and/or been felt up
12. Laughed so hard something came out of your nose
13. Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfrend before
14. Been cheated on by a boyfriend/girlfriend
15. Been to prom
16. Cried at school
17. Gotten lost in a WalMart or a department store
18. Went streaking
19. Given or receieved a lap dance
20. Had someone of the opposite sex in your room

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 11

21. Had someone of the opposite sex sleep over
22. Slept over at someone of the opposite sexs house
23. Kissed a stranger
24. Hugged a stranger
25. Went scuba diving
26. Driven a car
27. Gotten an x-ray
28. Hit by a car
29. Had a party
30. Done serious drugs

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 12

31. Played strip poker/darts
32. Got paid to strip for someone
33. Run away from home
34. Broken a bone
35. Eaten sushi
36. Bought porn
37. Watched porn
38. Made porn
39. Had a crush on someone of the same sex
40. Been in love

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 14

41. French kissed
42. Laughed so hard you cried
43. Cried yourself to sleep
44. Laughed yourself to sleep
45. Stabbed yourself
46. Shot a gun
47. Trash talked someone and then acted like their best friend the next day
48. Been online for 9 consecutive hours
49. Watched TV for 9 consecutive hours
50. Watched an animal die

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 21

51. Watched a person die
52. Kissed and/or messed around somewhere with at least 1 person present
53. Pranked somebody
54. Put somebody in the hospital
55. Snuck into someones room and/or your own room after being out
56. Kissed somebody of the same sex
57. Dressed punk
58. Dressed goth
59. Dressed preppy
60. Been to a motocross race

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 23

61. Avoided somebody
62. Been stalked
63. Stalked someone
64. Met a celebrity
65. Played an instrument
66. Ridden a horse
67. Cut yourself
68. Bungee jumped
69. Ding dong ditched somebody
70. Been to a wild party

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 28

71. Got caught stealing something
72. Kicked/punched a guy in the balls
73. Stolen a boyfriend/girlfriend from a friend
74. Gone out with your friends crush
75. Got arrested
76. Been pregnant
77. Babysat
78. Been to another country
79. Started your house on fire
80. Had an encounter with a ghost

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 30

81. Donated your hair to cancer patients
82. Been asked out by someone that you never thought you'd be asked out by
83. Cried over a member of the opposite sex
84. Had a boyfriend/girlfriend for over or 3 months
85. Sat on your butt all day
86. Ate a whole carton of ice cream all by yourself
87. Had a job
88. Gotten cut from a sports team
89. Been called a whore
90. Danced like a whore

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 34

91. Been mistaken for a celebrity
92. Been in a car accident
93. Been told you have beautiful eyes
94. Been told you have beautiful hair
95. Raped somebody
96. Danced in the rain
97. Been rejected
98. Walked out of a restaurant without paying
99. Punched someone/slapped someone in the face
100. Been raped

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 39

hey man i'm alive, i'm taking each day a night at a time

rock bottom

at some point in their life everyone hits rock bottom, some earlier than others. you feel like you can't climb out, like you're alone, stuck, with no one to talk to or to comfort you. you don't feel like life is worth living anymore. everyone encounters this some point in their life. those who opt out aren't weak, they just haven't been exposed to whats true and whats good about life, they haven't been shown that it really is worth living. fortunately most of us choose to try and climb our way back out. we might stumble and fall a couple of times, but we end up out, back in the fresh air with the beauty and the stars and the voices.

however, until you have experienced someone else at rock bottom you can't truly appreciate how it feels for those around you. by someone else i don't just mean a vague friend or a family member you only know a little. i mean someone you are so close to that you seem tied by some invisible bond. someone you are so close to that when you are together everything seems okay even when things are pretty messed up. someone you love so so much you would give the whole world just to make sure they are happy. as soon as the words "i thought about ending it" slip out their mouth the sheer fright, despair..the frenzied, desperate thoughts that grip you in an iron vice are intense. you want to snatch them away from the world and protect them from harm, protect them from themselves. make them see whats good again.

today has been surreal. it has been awful, surreal, horrible. but i got through it. WE got through it. you'll get through it. it felt like a scene. driving up to meet you the car couldn't go fast enough. i wanted to just jump out and run to you. i ran down the field and just threw myself at you trying to protect you from the world. i've never seen anyone so broken. it felt kinda like a scene from a movie, holding you in my arms and just letting you do whatever you needed to. staring out the car window home. and, strange as it may seem, the knowledge that it is possible to practically save someones life all by yourself is amazing. the fact that by saying "never think that again, because if you did anything it would kill me" you can make someone think twice.

there is always someone. however alone you feel, however broken. there is someone out there..you may not even know them yet..you may know them but not realise how they feel towards you..you may have known them but lost them.. there is ALWAYS someone out there who wants to save you. however rock bottom life may seem you can guarantee there is someone out there trying to catch you before you fall.

i love you.

"it's not guns n' roses anymore. the day i start thinking i can do drugs and be invincible, that's the day i stop caring about our fans" -- hayley williams